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Hai hai, there are headphone things for the link port, buuuuut, they are hard to find. I'd recommend searching your local game store, they are fairly easy to mod into a headphone jack.

You could also open it up and attack a 3.5mm extender to the copper plates the speaker is attached too, you are gonna need to solder, and sacrifice a cable tho.

Placed an offer, lets hope I get it! \o/

Alright, high vibrato's can in fact deliver a "kscht" sound (you now, like noise channel snares).
I took a few minutes to meddle with it but couldn't quite create what I wanted, anyway, put in these patches and mess around a bit, who knows, you might get a great sound!

The 25% wave channel has the most potential of delivering a nice "kscht" sound, so I'm gonna use that one.
I'm using the K command inside the table, so you can ignore the A1 if you like.

So, here is the table, just put it in and try to mess around in it until you like it.
The transpose gives the snare some depth by changing the pitch, just like an actual snare you it starts fairly high and vibrates to a lower pitch. I don't recommend going underneath, say, E1.

The vibrato causes, well, the speed of the vibration (idk man), changing the first nummer is gonna make it sound a little more like a heavy snare, 6C would be the lowest you could go, FF the highest.

The last W command changes the end to a 50% wave which gives it a bit of a nice ending sound.
It's not perfect but it's the best I managed to do :')

Snappy snares on pulse? I'm sorry to say that doing that is either very hard or basically impossible, snares created on the PU2 (or PU1) channel are likely to sound more like C64 snares, short, kick-like, bleeps.

I assume you are aware of the fact that the noise channel is absolutely AMAZING(!) for snares?

Anyway, I took the liberty to steal this little snare idea from ChainsawPolice:

Play it around D4 and it's gonna sounds "snare-ish", I recommend combining it with a noise channel snare that is about the same length, greatness assured!