I'm trying to say that asking specific and thoughtful questions about your work gets you specific and thoughtful feedback. The best way to learn to improve is to ask what specifically is good or bad about your work.
I think the snares in the intro could use some envelope changes, think like marching snare rolls or the intro to 'Infinite Daps' by RL Grime and Baauer. Melodically this seems to work pretty well although I find myself wanting a bit more of a clear structure. I'm not saying you should make jarring changes every 4 phrases or something but I think an indicator that says "this section is different from this section" like drum fills or surprising pauses makes a song more enjoyable than slowly adding layers. Also, experiment a little more with commands on pulse instruments, I feel your melodies could be seriously improved by the introduction of L commands in some areas.
Other than that, just work on volume control (which every lsdj user needs to do, nobody ever really has it perfect) and practice practice practice. Keep doing what you're doing.
Alright! I'll try and be more precise with my questions in the future. Thanks for the suggestions.
Roboctopus.
Definitely, that guy's lsdj work is solid.