FREE: Snes APU player board. (Page 2) - Trading Post - Forums

17 Jan 22, 2013 10:56 pm

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washington

Saskrotch wrote:

Lazerbeat wrote:
Deleted posts by Saskrotch, egr and coshinator with some really really tasteless jokes. Rules (especially rule 9) still apply chaps.
Aw what, all the best jokes are tasteless! And I really want that thing. Also I've told that joke at plenty of all-ages events, including in front of my own parents, and no one's ever said anything about it.
Fine here's one that MIGHT be appropriate.
This dude is at a bar, drinking his face off. He ends up puking on himself, and starts to panic.
"What's the big deal, it's just puke." Says the bartender. The man explains that his wife doesn't like him out getting drunk at bars all night, and if he goes home with puke on his shirt, she'll KNOW he's been drinking.
The bartender says, "Oh, no problem. Do you have a $20?" The guy takes a $20, the bartender takes it, and tucks it into the guys shirt pocket.
"Okay, so when you get home, you tell your wife you were taking the train home, and some drunk guy puked all over you. He felt awful about it, so he gave you $20 to take your shirt to the cleaners."
The guy is really into this plan, so he has a couple more drinks and heads home. Once he gets there, his wife sees the puke and goes off on him about spending all of his paycheck at the bar, and puking all over himself, and so on.
"No no, look!" He takes the money out of his shirt pocket and explains that a guy puked on him, and gave him the $20 to get his shirt cleaned.
She takes the money from him and examines it, and says "But there's two twenties here."
"Yeah, I think he shit in my pants, too."

XD I think this one should win!

18 Jan 22, 2013 11:15 pm

Theta_Frost

Offline

Milwaukee, WI

Hugh Jackman

Huge Ackman

A penguin, having reached the middle of his life, realizes his office job at the zoo aquarium is really middling. He has trouble accepting that this is all he will get out of life. Crisis is upon him.

Having considered his place in life, he decides new experiences and reaffirmation of self are what he needs, and he sets out to do this in a most American of ways: ROAD TRIP!

Halfway through his trip, he has reached the desert, near the border with Arizona and Nevada. At this point, his car breaks down and proceeds to spew steam from under the hood.

He quickly surmises that this setback is beyond the scopes of his penguin powers; and he, being a penguin stranded in the desert, is in mortal peril. Unsure of his fate, he resolves to keep a stiff upper beak; and sticks a flipper out behind his car on the roadside, waiting…

Fortunately, not too much later; he's given a ride into town, which is only a couple miles away. At the nearest garage, he gets the mechanic to tow his car back into town. Once they get the car into the shop, the mechanic says "Well hey, fella, it's gonna take me a bit to figure out what's up with her. Why don't you come back in about an hour?"

The penguin agrees, and considers what to do with his hour in the small desert town, realizing he will likely never be there again. He begins to wander the town, observing the auspices of rural desert life.

A while later, he comes across an ice cream shop a few blocks from the garage, pausing, and then realizing how perfect it is. He, a down on his luck penguin, had found an Ice Cream shop! In the desert! He knew immediately the comfort an ice cream cone would bring him.

Walking up to the counter, he is entranced by the thirty some-odd flavors. He samples many, but settles on a gold standard and personal favorite: Two Scoops of Vanilla Bean ice cream in a waffle cone. He's so excited at the prospect of his desert ice cream after the trials of the day that he doesn't even notice how messily he's eating the ice cream. Being a penguin, his flippers and beak are ill equipped for ice cream consumption.

After finishing his ice cream, he basks in his own satisfaction for a minute before walking back to the garage. When he walks in the door at the auto shop, the mechanic shouts at him from across the garage:

"It looks like you just blew a seal!"

"Oh… no, dude, it's just ice cream!"