First 2X LSDJ Attempt: Almost Drum and Bass...

I found a lot of the things you did to be good in nature.

It seems like you have a good idea as to what makes a good hook and melody, however, you made a mistake that a lot of people do when starting with 2xLSDJ - you seem to make your layering not obvious enough. It sounds backwards, and it is certainly something learned over enough time, but for the most part this track sounded like it could be done as 1xLSDJ. Make sure that when you use 2xLSDJ you don't fill that extra space with crap, but little details that help flesh out the overall sound. Don't think that it needs to be all 8 channels all the time, but when you can try and milk those extra resources to color your sound!

As far as form goes, it sounds like a lot of the stuff I made my first year of using LSDJ. Lots of repetition of anything that sounded "good" and while those parts were great, the repetition killed the songs. The repetition didn't kill yours, but man, rhythmic variation would boost this song up to the next level instantly. Instead of having those constant dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit 8th/16th note patterns on the same notes, try making some sort of cool syncopated pattern. It would double as a great chance for you to introduce the drums sooner.

Another thing I noticed is that your bass in the WAV channel sounded kind of weak. Make sure your pulse channel envelopes aren't too high, it'll be out of balance and make the bass not be in focus. There's a few ways to tackle this problem withing the 2xLSDJ setup - using a spare pulse channel with a 50% pulse width to play in unison with the bass (but often displaced by an octave since the pulse channels go only as low as C3), doubling the WAV channel of one Gameboy with the WAV channel of another often using a sine-wave-based instrument to really fill out the low range.

If you want to talk more, hit me up here via PM. There certainly is potential here, and with a lot of work you can make an excellent 2xLSDJ track!