Starting out. Would like criticism.

I like how this has structure and progression to it, and that it clearly tells a story.  I feel it would benefit from building more slowly than it does, especially towards the start, and the whole piece almost feels a bit rushed. Your sound design has a 'hollow' feel to me; in a way this is fitting; in another way, I'd like to have a sense of a bit more background or context behind the characters/voices.  The instrumentation doesn't have an especially 'chip' feel to me, but this isn't necessarily a bad thing, and might simply be because I'm most familiar with the sound of LSDJ, and this doesn't sound like LSDJ to me.  I'd also like to know a bit more about your production, and I feel that this is something that the chip music community in general often appreciates.

I realize this has ended up being quite an abstract criticism; I hope it's helpful.

Thanks Guys! I now know what i need to do and what i need to not do which is great. To make it i used FL studio (because i come from house music) and a bunch of plugins, mainly Bleep' and 38911bytes (original yellow version). I do have an original Gameboy but I don't have LSDJ or nanoloop. And I see your from Australia too Panda Chan , good to know there's locals around that do this stuff as well. But which one do you think I should get LSDJ or nanoloop, I have a fair bit of experience with nanoloop and squat with LSDJ.

                                                                                                                                                                                             -Peace out, Mosster_3

I would maybe add some variation, particularly in your bass synth. Maybe give it some different progressions rather then it's normal 'up, then down' repetition. Also perhaps consider some sort of bridge section towards the end to break things up a bit.

Nice work with the wobbly lead melodies making it feel 'ghostly'.
Also greetz from Melbourne

I have both; they really suit different styles of play / composition.  I find the LSDJ interface very nice to use, but with nanoloop I have to keep checking the manual (and I was coming to LSDJ without having used other trackers).  If you have a flashcart already, there's really no harm in getting LSDJ, as the software is very cheap.  If not, a flash cart is probably a good investment.  I should also point out that while LSDJ is a pleasure to use on the real hardware, I've never enjoyed it as much on an emulator on a PC thanks to the controls.