Jack Falls (in and out of the prison system)

thanks materiax. it'll be on the ep.

The only thing I didn't enjoy was the breakdown starting at 2:44.  I adore the main line to this, however, and just as Jotie said, with some variation you could really turn this into an infectious track!  If Jack ever falls into a version 2.0, please let me hear it. : ]

thank you. that was deeply, deeply constructive and i shall bear that in mind when writing in future.

Needs more variation.
Make more noise/drum sounds, change those rythems up, and add variations here and there.
Add different instruments, just to shake things up a bit.
Add effects, like a a raggahorn, some toms, a random "booyaka booyaka" to fill it up.
I don't know, but it kind of drags ons. The feel and idea is there, but it needs beefing up  to make it more interesting for the listener.