Chunter - you're totally right - The artists that I'm a biggest fanboy of are those that share their process, that write about their music, that connect with people on a personal level, that bother tweeting back to fans, and that put the effort in to talking to you! Lightspeed Champion, Get Cape, Incubus, Jack Conte, Fink, Edison, etc... all do a great job of making YOU part of their thing.
If I'm going to reach a larger audience it's going to be because I look after the people already coming to my shows. If I talk to them, have a beer with them, hug them (appropriately!) and generally show an interest, then they'll come back to another show, and may even bring their friends. It kind of makes me question my motives, but I genuinely love these guys - they take time out to see my shows and building a genuine relationship is important. Playing to an empty room isn't so much fun.