Your family's thought on chip? (Page 4 of 6)

I think that my father molested me from age 6 to age 11 or 12. It began after my parents divorced.

But when I'd be at his house on the weekends, he'd touch me in inappropriate places...like, we'd be on the couch watching TV, and he'd put his hand down my pants and touch me down there. He didn't finger me or go that far, but he'd still touch me. He liked to spoon with me in his bed in the morning when we watched Saturday mornng cartoons. He, throughout my childhood, constantly raved about how beautiful I was, and how I was perfect and how all of my features were perfect, and that I was just naturally beautiful.

Now I have huge problems with guys and with being sexual. I always sort of feel scared to be sexual with guys, and until now I never really realized why. I'm considered "pretty" and have had many boys that wanted to have relationships with me, but I've always been scared for some unidentifiable reason and never gone through with it. I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend. I've never had sex. The furthest I've gone is giving guys a hand job and making out with them. And I'm generally only able to do that comortably when I'm drunk. I've had plenty of opportunities for more but always run away before I could do anything else. And even when guys try to pursue me, they get frustrated and give up because I am so hesitant and go at a slow sexual pace. I'm too afraid to tell them why. Because I don't tell them, they just think I'm wierd or that I'm teasing them, and they give up and move on.

I'm 18 years old and starting college. I really, really want a boyfriend. I want someone to share my life with. I'm so incredibly lonely, and I want to get over this "sexual fright" that I have. I've improved and gotten more comfortable with guys, and in the past couple of months I've come very close to having a real boyfriend and going further than I usually do. I finally met someone that I'm extraordinarily comfortable with, but it might not even work out because he's still half-stuck on his ex-girlfriend (and that's a whole other issue altogether).

I want to have a boyfriend and be honest with him about what has happened to me, but I'm afraid that he'll be disgusted or think that I'm fucked up and won't want to be with me. I'm afraid to let someone see that something so disgusting has happened to me and happened in my family. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone forever. Will guys be freaked out by this, or will they understand? I'm just scared and don't know how to handle any of this.

abortifacient wrote:

I think that my father molested me from age 6 to age 11 or 12. It began after my parents divorced.

But when I'd be at his house on the weekends, he'd touch me in inappropriate places...like, we'd be on the couch watching TV, and he'd put his hand down my pants and touch me down there. He didn't finger me or go that far, but he'd still touch me. He liked to spoon with me in his bed in the morning when we watched Saturday mornng cartoons. He, throughout my childhood, constantly raved about how beautiful I was, and how I was perfect and how all of my features were perfect, and that I was just naturally beautiful.

Now I have huge problems with guys and with being sexual. I always sort of feel scared to be sexual with guys, and until now I never really realized why. I'm considered "pretty" and have had many boys that wanted to have relationships with me, but I've always been scared for some unidentifiable reason and never gone through with it. I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend. I've never had sex. The furthest I've gone is giving guys a hand job and making out with them. And I'm generally only able to do that comortably when I'm drunk. I've had plenty of opportunities for more but always run away before I could do anything else. And even when guys try to pursue me, they get frustrated and give up because I am so hesitant and go at a slow sexual pace. I'm too afraid to tell them why. Because I don't tell them, they just think I'm wierd or that I'm teasing them, and they give up and move on.

Sick fucks..
I'm 18 years old and starting college. I really, really want a boyfriend. I want someone to share my life with. I'm so incredibly lonely, and I want to get over this "sexual fright" that I have. I've improved and gotten more comfortable with guys, and in the past couple of months I've come very close to having a real boyfriend and going further than I usually do. I finally met someone that I'm extraordinarily comfortable with, but it might not even work out because he's still half-stuck on his ex-girlfriend (and that's a whole other issue altogether).

I want to have a boyfriend and be honest with him about what has happened to me, but I'm afraid that he'll be disgusted or think that I'm fucked up and won't want to be with me. I'm afraid to let someone see that something so disgusting has happened to me and happened in my family. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be alone forever. Will guys be freaked out by this, or will they understand? I'm just scared and don't know how to handle any of this.

And he would constantly touch my ass or slap it playfully. Keep in mind, I was pretty young. I was young and in "La La Land" and never realized that there was anything weird about it until I was in the 4th or 5th grade. I sort of just began to see that my friends' fathers didn't do that kind of thing and just weren't as affectionate.

I started avoiding his house and not really wanting to see him, but I still didn't even know what molestation was or the fact that my father had been molesting me. I had just started to get this weird subconscious feeling that made me want to spend less time with him. Maybe in my subconscious I knew something wasn't right.

Around 6th grade was the last time he tried to put his hands down my pants, on the couch while watching TV. I tried to brush his hand away but he persisted. He got it halfway down my pants before I had to outright remove his hand. No words were exchanged, and we've never spoken about it since. Sometimes I wonder if he even remembers.

OH GREAT SASKROTCH, I BESEECH THEE. DO WHAT I CAN NOT, SMACK THIS TOPIC BACK ON TRACK.

OT: my brother, who loves video games, ignores what I do with a passion. I think he's just jealous.